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Guardian Rock

In Guardian Rock you play well… a rock. Now, now bare with me: it’s more fun than it sounds: your objective is not to remain stationary and hope that you gather fucking moss. No, your objective is to squish pesky explorers who have infiltrated the sacred temple that you have sworn to protect. See? I told you to bare with me.

Anyway Guardian Rock (created by the peeps at Torpedo Lab) is an arcade- styled puzzle game that consists of 48 stone smashing levels. The controls are simple and easy to understand; the rock is controlled by the arrow keys, so all you have to do is tap the direction you want it to go. It’s worth mentioning though that until the rock hits something it WON’T stop (basically it won’t stop mid way or anything – it has to hit something in order to stop).

In each level you have to crush the little explorers (who all look like Indiana Jones clones) whilst avoiding all the death traps and obstacles (such as spears, TNT, etc…) that you may encounter. How a tiny wooden spear can kill a rock guardian I will never know; TNT I get but a pissy little spear? Really!? The guardian can smash through stone for fuck sake, so how can a little pointy stick kill it? Again, I will never know; anyway once you’ve squashed all the little bastards you must navigate the rock to the exit portal – the rock with a lock silhouette embossed onto it.

The games difficulty depends on how much of a mong strategic you are. Because the rock travels in a straight line, it’s easy to predict where it’s going to end up. So if you’re the kind of boring tard who likes to plan things “strategically” then that’s probably better than my method; which is randomly pressing shit until I pwn, or retrying repeatedly like a loon when/if I die. Speaking of which, there is no penalty for restarting the level again. All you have to do is press R in the game, so don’t be shy to try gain if you’ve fucked up. You can also press P to pause and if you have any special level skipping keys (one time use only item) then press S to use them if you want.

Finally I know I said I hated puzzle games, and I still stand by that claim. However some of them are actually quite fun. Guardian Rock (Like Knightfall 2) is one of those: completing a level actually made me feel pleased with myself, like I’d increased my IQ or something. Obviously this isn’t true but the effect is nice, and it encourages you to continue playing this brilliantly addictive game.


Play Guardian Rock Here


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